At Coffee Meets Bagel, we’re all about curating a community of like-minded, respectful daters who are here because they share a common goal: finding a lasting, serious relationship. But unfortunately, there are people out there who join dating apps with a different goal in mind: To take advantage of daters through romance scams.
Our team has dedicated programs and practices for sorting out these scammers – but we also want to make sure daters like you are equipped with all of the tips and tricks required to spot someone up to no good. Here’s a few red flags to keep an eye out for when it comes to romance scammers.
They Go From 0–100
Scammers might try to sweep you off your feet by showering you with compliments or using flowery, romantic language right off the bat. Maybe they’re “just looking for love,” or drop a “Ur the one 4 me, babe.” But you’re smarter than that, so you’ll see your match moving too fast as a red flag.
Another red flag: They’ll want to take things off the app and start texting, calling, or using other messaging apps (such as Kik, WhatsApp, LINE, or WeChat) ASAP. To cut to the chase, they may even include this contact info in their bio.
One thing to note: Scammers nowadays are extra sneaky. So while they might sweep you off of your feet quickly to gain your trust, they could wait a bit before actually trying to pull off their scam. This is especially popular in cryptocurrency dating scams, so be wary of the long game.
Their stories pull on your heartstrings
Scammers can pretend to be anyone, but one of the most common careers scammers claim to have is that of a soldier. And oftentimes they are oh-so-conveniently stationed far overseas so they can’t meet you in person.
They may even claim to be religious (a tactic used for inspiring trust), or tell you a sob story, like they’re a recent widow and their partner has passed in a tragic accident. Or, perhaps they have a sick child or parent they care for. While these unfortunate circumstances may be true for a small portion of singles involved in online dating, one of the telltale signs you’ve matched with a scammer doesn’t come until later — when they ask for your money.
They’re just too good to be true
If your match has profile photos that belong in a magazine catalog, you’ve either met a model or a scammer. And while both exist in real life (models aren’t Bigfoot, after all), it would be very unlikely for a real person not to have any casual, non-professional photos in their profile pic lineup.
Take note of other profile/photo inconsistencies. For example, if their profile says they’re 35, but they look only 22 in their picture, that’s a red flag. Likewise, if their profile claims they have a high level of education, but their grammar is disjointed, something might be up.
On top of conflicting info, the person in question could be everything you’re looking for. You share all of the same values, never disagree, the conversation is always flowing — they’re basically a match made in heaven. They might start using pet names for you or even profess their love. But remember what we talked about: If they get too lovey too quickly, it’s a red flag.
Meeting in person isn’t an option
We know that the most meaningful connections happen face-to-face, so on Coffee Meets Bagel, we encourage members to meet in person. So if your match isn’t keen on meeting in real life or over video chat, you should raise an eyebrow.
One of the most common excuses scammers use to avoid meeting in person is claiming that they work abroad. Some scammers will dodge video chats and phone calls by claiming to be “too shy” or because they’re dealing with trust issues from past relationships. But if you’ve been talking to someone for days (or weeks) and haven’t taken these steps, that should set off alarm bells.
In situations like this, fact-checking is your friend. Try running a Google reverse image search to check if they have multiple profiles under different names or with different info. Some scammers may also steal photos from influencers, low-profile celebrities, or stock sources.
They ask for money, gift cards, or account info
Lastly, and most importantly, if your match asks you for money, gift cards, or your account information, stop all communication immediately. It is extremely likely this person is a scammer.
But, it isn’t always clear right away. Many scammers will play the long game by trying to build trust with you over time. Then, suddenly, there’s an “emergency,” and they need money quickly. Here’s a few types of fake emergencies they may claim to have:
- They were robbed and need money
- They have to book a last-minute business trip
- They need a loan
- They or their family member has a medical emergency
Other scam tactics can be more aggressive, like attempting to blackmail or intimidate you into sending money. This is one reason why it’s vital you completely trust someone before sharing certain things, like where you live, your last name, or private pictures. If someone tries to extort you, block and report them immediately.
Sometimes, scammers may also ask for gift cards. But, you should never trust a match who claims they need anything from you but your time and words, even if they promise to pay you back.
Another way a scammer might try to steal from you is less direct: by gaining access to your accounts. While some may directly ask you for your account info, routing numbers, social security number, or driver’s license info, others may be more sneaky.
If your match asks you strangely specific personal questions about old addresses, your pets’ names, or schools you’ve attended, be cautious. They could be trying to gain access to your accounts by resetting your passwords via security question answers.
A final reminder: Even if someone doesn’t directly ask you for money or personal information, matches who spend a lot of time talking up investments, cryptocurrency, or finances should be viewed as suspicious.
A common trick with these investment scammers is to present themselves as super-wealthy. They’ll talk about deals that are too good to be true — all you have to do is try out their plan. So while you might think you’re not directly sending anyone money, you could still get scammed by third-party sites.
How to report a match on CMB
If you think you’ve come across or matched with a scammer, or if your match has violated our terms of service, please report them. By reporting a scammer, you’re preventing them from scamming other lovely bagels on our app in the future.
To report a bagel, simply tap on the flag icon that says “Hide or Report” at the bottom of their profile.